Its one of those days but not like the rest. I’ve been thinking on some shit and I’ve been deep in thought since then. Its my fault. I admit it. I wish I couldn’t say it but I’m not the type to lie. The truth is I fucked up. I did it all. I can’t blame anyone but myself. I gotta make some changes. Not sure how long it will take but hey I got time. I love her with all my heart but now I know. Its was my fault.
I remember our first kiss like it was yesterday.
Hell today, no two minutes ago.
I remember the nerves and I remember the moment.
I remember your words and your tone.
I hate that though.
I wish I couldn’t remember.
I wish when I was around you I didn’t get the nerves.
Feeling the heat from your skin brings back memories and sometimes a smile.
Like a moth to a flame I fall to my demise.
I wish I could forget you.
Yet I wish so much more that you would just realize.
The feelings I have for you are yours alone.
Nobodies in the wings waiting to take me home.
When I look at you you’re the only one on my mind.
This is not a plot, a plan or a game.
I know it is too late for these words but they need to be said.
I’m attracted to your mind.
I’m attracted to your soul.
Your body, though enticing, is not my goal.
I know this may never reach you, but it puts my mind at ease.
Maybe one day the universe will see it fit for your eyes to read.
Waiting…
A good friend was nice enough to translate my thoughts into more eloquent words, rather than just have me rambling as usual.
I’m trying to understand ……my heart won’t let my mind hear what mah heart is unable to feel. Its always said god only puts on u what u kan bear……everything we go thru prepares us for what we will “bear”…… There are somethings one will never be prepared for and we won’t look @ it as a test. It will be looked upon as the end of the world. In every situation we have to remember that nobody cares about our feelings as if there their own.
Wondering what makes u who u are today….time stands still but ya thoughts keep moving….is this herditary? Did I grow into this? Will I grow out of it? Is this jus a phase that I’m going thru…or one of lyfes seasons???
Time is now moving and I come to realize that I am not tha problem but I’m enabling those who have a problem by seeing them for who they are..by being a real friend and accepting but not judging for calling out bs but still standing with open arms…BY BEING A GOOD PERSON!!!!! And society makes me tha one with tha problem not tha ones I help thru it
One day it will all make sense until they I will continue ta live day by day being me nothin more nuthin less only what god has created me to be!
I believe that one mistake people make is trying to avoid destroying a friendship by making it a relationship. The concept itself makes since but in the end I believe that the friendship will be ruined at anytime. So it’s mainly a matter of when and not if. Generally there are two friends A and B. Either they both like each other or only one really likes the other. Either way the same results generally apply. Let’s say A likes B a little more than B likes A.
Result 1: A is gonna get tired of listening to B complain about lovers and just give up and move on. Friendship changed.
Result 2: A finds someone new and focuses all their attention on the new person. B is put on the sideline and is either gonna be hurt or not care. Friendship changed.
Result 3: B finds someone and breaks A’s heart. Friendship changed.
Result 4: They take a chance and they happy for a moment and then they break up. Friendship changed.
Result 5: They take a chance and they live happily ever after. Friendship changed.
I hear a lot about people wanting to stay friends and not ruin it with a relationship but honestly who do you know anybody who has a best friend they’ve had for a long time and at some point they decided not to be together for their friendship. I doubt it.
I’ve been pondering on this thing called marriage. What the fuck seriously! People are fighting so hard for something that now more that ever means so little. As a lesbian if I was asked between the choice of marriage with out the legal benefits and a union with the benefits. I take the union. I mean really can anyone tell me whats the point in marriage anyway other than the Lovey Dovey stuff we were taught as kids about living happily ever after. I mean I’m not knocking marriage but really…
(All future statements after this point are ramblings and may or may not hold complete truth)
Marriage all in all is a transfer of ownership. When you have limited funds you gotta get rid of the extra mouths to feed some how, so you come up with a dowry. I’ll give you these if you take this off my hand. Then the girl gets a ring to symbolize that she is someones property, she is given away by the father to her new husband and then she becomes a wife. Hinse Man and Wife… Man stays man women becomes wife.
Then as time progresses we get a little more liberal and let the two love birds decide they want to be together… with fathers permission of course. But does that mean they love each other. People think of how wonderful there grandparents relationships are and how they’ve been together for so many years… but what do you expect. If you marry at 18 the husband works, the wife tends to house and the only time you really spend together is at night procreating or going to church I think any couple could stand the test of time. Even if they didn’t love each other they would eventually form a bond or just get used to having the person around.
For anyone that might disagree with my last statement I give you this. We are not born to love our family. We love them over time. If you find out you are adopted tomorrow it does not mean you will stop loving your family. Parents and children can be assholes but we still love them.
But anyway back to marriage… Now marriage is a huge money making scheme. People spend all this money on a lavish weddings so they will have this one memorable day like they see in the movies and fairytales. Speaking of, I think that some girls have been programed to think that getting married will make everything better. Fairytales for instance have these girls in this terrible situation and then they find a prince get married and they live happily ever after. That’s BS but what ever. Is that why some people think that getting married will solve all problems. Sure he cheated on me ten times so far in our one year relationship but we’re getting married so it’ll be better.
So where was I … oh yeah… $$$$$ … People spend gawd knows what on these weddings. Lavish fucking productions really! Just to say I am willing to spend the rest of my life with you… maybe. Then of course if the maybe comes into play then the therapist and the lawyers get paid. It’s a great money making venture.
Anyway I digress… I’m sure some of you out there can find the wonderful romantic side of marriage and I’m happy for you… Go with your feelings… not so much rational thought… everyone see’s things differently.
As I stated earlier I am a lesbian and I did not post this to be all Give us our rights. I posted this cause I was bored. I would like to have the legal aspects of a marriage but I can understand that the majority think with emotion rather than facts and that might hinder my chances at making sure the person I choose to live with is taken care of if anything happens to me but you know that’s fine… that’s cool I get it.
One last question though… why can’t same sex couples marry? I mean is it do to the whole man+women rule? Cause if that’s the only rule I think it can be bent a little i mean really there are no rules for marriage other than that. If you don’t love each other you can get married, if you don’t know each other you can get married, if your drunk if Vegas you can get married, if you want to save an immigrant you can get married, if you want to be in a better tax bracket you can get married, and finally if your an atheist you can get married… but you cannot I repeat cannot be in a same sex couple.
